Overall, I treat a breakup or separation as a significant disruption that can evoke a range of emotions and activate underlying relational patterns and dynamics. In my work, the therapeutic relationship itself can serve as a microcosm for understanding and healing relational wounds. I encourage clients to engage with me in an authentic relational process where patterns of attachment, communication, and emotion regulation can emerge and be explored and transformed in real-time. This relationship offers a corrective emotional experience, helping individuals develop healthier ways of relating to themselves and others.

The following are some key goals and aspects I consider when working with people going through these difficult relational situations:

1. Processing Grief and Loss: I aim to provide a space for clients to process their grief and loss associated with the breakup or separation. I also support clients in expressing and validating their emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and shame, while exploring the significance of the loss in their lives.

2. Understanding Relational Patterns: I help clients explore their relational patterns and dynamics, including issues of intimacy, dependency, autonomy, and loss. Clients may gain insight into recurring themes in their relationships, such as fear of abandonment, difficulty with boundaries, or patterns of withdrawal or aggression.

3. Exploration of Attachment Dynamics: My approach emphasizes the role of attachment dynamics in shaping individuals’ responses to breakup or separation. Together with clients, we explore clients’ attachment styles and relational histories to understand how early attachment experiences may influence their experiences of loss and separation.

4. Exploring Unconscious Dynamics: Clients benefit from exploring unconscious dynamics that may be activated by the breakup or separation. This may include unresolved issues from past relationships, conflicts related to self-esteem or identity, or fears of abandonment or rejection.

5. Addressing Self-Reflection and Growth: I encourage clients to engage in self-reflection and introspection to understand the deeper meaning and significance of the breakup or separation. This can include questions of identity, values, and goals, and considering how the experience can serve as an opportunity for personal growth and transformation.

6. Reconstructing Meaning and Identity: Clients are supported in reconstructing meaning and identity in the aftermath of the breakup or separation. They may explore questions of self-worth, purpose, and belonging, and work towards integrating the experience into their sense of self and life narrative.

7. Navigating Future Relationships: My approach helps clients develop insights and skills to navigate future relationships more effectively. Clients may explore how their past relational patterns and dynamics influence their approach to relationships and work towards developing healthier relational patterns and boundaries.

My approach to relationships generally and breakups and separations specifically provides a supportive and reflective space for clients to explore and process the emotional, relational, and existential dimensions of a breakup or separation. By addressing underlying relational dynamics and fostering self-awareness and growth, therapy can help clients navigate the challenges of the breakup or separation and move towards greater relational well-being.